disconnect to witness reality.

the curious clergy inventing metallurgy
chain mail and plate spreading obedience with rage
centuries later forming circles of uranium
minerals to electricity opens minds to chemotherapy

hundred years from now I’m wondering how
treating sick with radiation or chemical sedation
might look to a generation with a future education
the age of ignorance passes as a new age dawns

while you were sleeping kings and bishops turned us into pawns
you might have been too why don’t you think for yourself?
your heads up your ass with your eyes on your cell
inconceivable vastness to computation unending

no information evades our new understanding
and while we were praying up to God with his eyes looking down
the worlds been flooded by satellites and cellular phones
existence is change and in constant flux 

whats true one minute may not be the next
and remember that minutes were invented by man
all life is an illusion see through if you can.
we can do anything we as a species will truth

put a human being on Mars if thats what we want to do
invent new technology to help us take stride
new tools for building or helping  save lives
quantum linking starts me thinking

atoms formed in stars connected so far
like the pathways life forms in our mind
interstellar thought with no regard for time
our entire galaxy could be one mind. 

once we were the axis but now we spin round
heaven in the sky and hell underground
discovery from ideas from vivid daydreaming
my ideas are theories until they’re disproven

i see more great arks in our future voyage
entire generations spent traversing the void
bringing our life as we know it to those distant stars
a fantastic beginning i think unto mars


Sorry. (May 22, 2014)

I’m not in this fight
I just don’t feel right
I’m sad. Or stressed
My eyes no light

Give me something
I won’t complain
Just need to test it
try anything.

You ask me to move
Easy for you
I must confess
my thoughts are cruel 

Walls close in
I know I’ve sinned
no time for that
my shoulders pinned.

I’m drowning all time
hurting people in my life
spiteful words bitter thoughts
I’m not me they’re not mine

Begging for help.
Touch, taste, can’t tell.
I don’t know what to ask
for told this hell.

Stuff that might be
Things may have been
All over the map
I can’t let you in

Erratic at best
What I say and do
Imagine in my head
what I see looks like to you

Circus tent big top
Falling down. Can’t stop
No net to catch me this time
Pill bottle. In time. Not for my mind. 

I feel like I’m drowning all the time
hurting all the people in my life
spiteful words and bitter thoughts
I’m not me and they’re not mine

mountain foot can’t trust your heart
Emotions dulled. Impossible start.
Quick moves says life. Slow brain down no.
Race lost. Starts gone. Curtain up. No show.  

corpses and whores

Set the world ablaze amidst cries for peace
tore boots from bare feet over populous screams
child at prayer with no hope for this gory scene
taking your sons and leaving no trace of your father
torn from your home for this bloody slaughter
leave lonely the flesh of your wives and daughter’s

drinking poison laced water our throats are hoarse
Wretched itching and charred burnt flesh and sores
acid gas rotten lungs burnt flesh and worse
men infesting the carcass of every dead horse
we stink of dead horse dead horse and worse
we infest dead horse and dream only of whores
we get out of our horses go into the whores
we go into the whores and come out worse

built to burn macrame and stone walls fall
serfs marched to death beholden not to themselves
our fire razed history and great marbles fell
victorious march over muck bloodied creeks
corpses lay lost prone corrupted amongst twigs
hunks of meat maggot meals ripe smelling so sweet
shadows pass on what once we knew as the light
mistakes we renew and cause life to take flight
patres ex mortuis no cue we reject your insight

happiness lives in the present.

Buy this if you’re not happy.
Spending money you don’t have feels great!
I’m sure you’ll pay it off soon.

and you’ll find me

sitting under a tree
singing happily

have an affair if you’re not happy at home.
Someone else’s pussy will feel better!
I’m sure your baggage won’t follow you.

and you’ll find me

sitting under a tree
singing happily

Don’t think about death
Don’t worry about the sick
Don’t help the elderly. Just keep pretending you’re going to live forever. Here try these new toys.

He’s gone. (Move on.)

So this was posted this morning automatically and I felt inspired sitting in the sunshine reminiscing about the last three years of Sam and Nikki’s tumultuous divorce. 

Caged up in my quiet kitchen writing
a text from Nikki that says Sam’s leaving
early November some morning dawning
sipping my coffee while I’m still yawning.

Wrote a letter I never delivered
just wanted better a life without her
told her she was only in the way here
and really hadn’t been his wife in years.

Quite high I did things that I shouldn’t do
sorry’s just a word not my point of view
not my most shiny and not my most true
that was a totally stupid move drew.

Your best friend is not your friend anymore
you wish you knew why you wish you knew more
can’t trust a person walking out the door
my old friend won’t talk to me anymore.

Cold lonely words always making her cry
four years no birthday no word of a lie
won’t listen to reason won’t even try
letting this moment define her whole life.

The encroaching haze.

So in 2011 I have a nervous breakdown. It took me a few months of suffering before I talked to a doctor and got some help. After asking if I was suicidal (I was but said I wasn’t because I didn’t want to be committed.) he prescribed me some anti-anxiety SSRIs. They were mind altering. In particular this one drug, lorazepam, just wiped the brain clean. Within minutes of taking it you were not just relaxed but content and happy in such a way that nothing bothers you; work, money, life, death; nothing. The only other time I felt like that was when I smoked weed in high school.

After taking loraz one night I started writing this poem and kept writing as I drifted into it’s encroaching haze.

Trying to feel more sane.
Trying to do these things.

Took my pill just now.
Only seconds to say just how.

No stress. No pain.
No sadness. Wow.

It’s all perfect here…
in the cloud.

Take it again you can see it’s gone.
Tell me again how long is not long.

‘need drugs to live’ writ on my tomb.
For all to see when loved ones loom.

I’ll nurse this snake back to health
to bite me as soon as it’s well.

Did I miss something or did we?
It’s in the fabric of reality.

Took my pill I’ll once more whirl.
Train of thought not long for the world.

Weeks since pills kept thoughts in place
Brain too weak, vacant, out of phase.

Panic melts and colors rush in
I’m gone but I can now function.

That’s it for the sitting when I wrote this but I later wrote a couple of options for a chorus if I were to take this poem to the song level.

Option 1

Light a fire. Watch it burn.
Ashes to ashes soon your turn.
Watch as embers lose their life
You tell me why I should fight.

Option 2

Benzo balm soaks through my brain.
Surrender the fight. A coward? Damn right.
At least I’ll sleep tonight.

I flip flop. Please feel free to leave a comment.

Who rules the world?

Laying in my bed
terror flowing through my head
but it’s nukes and greenhouse gas that scare me
not some ancient ideology.

Our wars make the refugees
and we stop them at our borders.
Is this a test?
We’ve got enough poor we can’t be bothered with I guess.

We don’t want the people we want the land.
Psychs-Peko drew lines in the sand.
Kill democracy. Install dictator.
Tell them in terms they’ll understand.

While we hate Nickelbacks and Biebers
and separatists who’ll leave us.
We’re fighting over peanuts while they revel in our isolation
and find more ways to jail us for dissension.

We fight for equal rights
while our quote unquote enemies pray to wake at morning light.
WMDs and dirty bombs.
That’s not the reason they killed Sadam.

No trial for Osama. Drone strikes by Obama.
Putin might just be a good friend.
When push got to shove
he protected Edward Snowden.

And a Russian might be the only reason
you’re alive to read this.
Google the name Stanislav Petrov
and see what you come up with.

Watch Michael Moore and feel like there’s hope?
That’s a joke.
Most people won’t go out and vote.

Out from the rain.

You wait for me to leave so you can cry.
I’m here for you if you need me.

Don’t think like that. I need you too.
Pull your head out from the rain.

I’d love to see you well again
but it doesn’t work that way.

Of all things you want not to die.
Pull your head out from the rain.

I’m here again can I do anything?
You can’t do a God damn thing.

Falling water cares not for us.
Pull our heads out from the rain.


We set the world ablaze
rage amidst cries for peace
tearing boots from bare feet.

Taking your sons no trace of your father
torn from your home for our bloody desire
leave lonely the flesh of your wives and daughter’s.

Built to burn the paper walls of hell
serfs march into death not beholden to self
our fire razed history while statues fell.

Victorious march over bloody cricks
corpses lay lost prone in corruption
wrath of men gory odds and ends.

Shadows pass on what once we knew
erstwhile mistakes we make anew
patres ex mortuis we take no cue.

Our match went out we cast away
twisted black line left in the snow
faces torn. countries worn.

Mourn for the earth.
Mourn no more.