warm winds from the field
blow over the cold trail
i don’t know how i feel.
Sometimes it feels like I’ve been down every road.
I know those stones only too well.
another summer I wonder
it has come and is done
whats going on
Autumn is gone.
Bullets are cheap, cheap like words, words make peace.
kerosene burns. play your role. king or meek.
throw your insults. get it out. cuts so deep.
i ordered your drink order at Starbucks without even thinking about it.
If I knew what I know now I’d have asked every girl I met to see her tits.
I’d look like an asshole but the law of probability also states that I’d see some tits.
dick in hand stroke it gently. my mind is non-functional listening intently.
No one gets famous at thirty.
We still get together every Thursday
Bang on instruments absurdly
i look around at all these young punk kids
was i that stupid too? I’d wear baggy ripped
jeans and a backwards hat but i’d never dress like you…
do not dismiss miracles as mere coincidence
credit the magic in life and
press your face against the glass.
your dream self is painfully shy.
If the plane is going down it doesn’t matter if you’re in a first class seat.
I’m looking. Not finding.
To attach myself to something worthy of a note.
for a song that means nothing
there is definitely something
that can keep your attention long enough to quote.
get to the point I think I will
but I’ve gotten my point across so
for me to say anything more might be a wash.
So I’ll take your ears and take
them for a walk around the block
a walk so long you might just have forgot that you were listening at all
I almost thought I had a song but after careful
consideration it’s clear while writing I’ve hit a wall.
Never sit and wonder if you can do something.
While you’re busy wondering it’s being done.
Better rarely means better for everyone.
After the anxiety of yesterday and the uncertainty of Ann Marie’s future we watched the last three episodes of 13 reasons why. This was a bad idea for two reasons. First we were up until 11:30 and then for reasons I am about to explain I couldn’t sleep.
WARNING : 13 Reasons Why Spoilers!!!!
In the final episodes we see our beloved main character raped, we see her lose all hope, finish the tapes and then the show vividly depicts her slitting her wrists and dying in a bathtub full of water. Then they show her parents finding her dead body. Fucking heart-wrenching.
So needless to say I was emotionally scarred heading to bed past my bed time. I ended up sleeping past my alarm, not getting the kids breakfast ready, not practicing guitar or talking to xixi, and rushing out the door to a dentist appointment. I will get back on track tomorrow morning of course but it’s just been a weird morning.
I came home after the dentists office and have been sitting on my couch across from Ann Marie drinking coffee and writing this blog entry. I am truly happy here in this moment. If I had any talent or knew how to write a book I think I could be a writer.
Ann Marie and I talked about friendships last night. She said I have lots of good friendships I should pursue and try to rekindle. Tim, Matt, and Chad are her top picks. I agree I think. I have been focused on me and my family so long I’ve forgotten really what i’m supposed to do. I feel like everyone has a life except me sometimes.