Babble

I’m looking. Not finding. 

Definitely Trying.

To attach myself to something worthy of a note.

for a song that means nothing

there is definitely something

that can keep your attention long enough to quote.

get to the point I think I will

but I’ve gotten my point across so

for me to say anything more might be a wash.

So I’ll take your ears and take

 them for a walk around the block

a walk so long you might just have forgot that you were listening at all

I almost thought I had a song but after careful 

consideration it’s clear while writing I’ve hit a wall.

Morning.

After the anxiety of yesterday and the uncertainty of Ann Marie’s future we watched the last three episodes of 13 reasons why. This was a bad idea for two reasons. First we were up until 11:30 and then for reasons I am about to explain I couldn’t sleep.

WARNING : 13 Reasons Why Spoilers!!!!

In the final episodes we see our beloved main character raped, we see her lose all hope, finish the tapes and then the show vividly depicts her slitting her wrists and dying in a bathtub full of water. Then they show her parents finding her dead body. Fucking heart-wrenching.

DONE.

So needless to say I was emotionally scarred heading to bed past my bed time. I ended up sleeping past my alarm, not getting the kids breakfast ready, not practicing guitar or talking to xixi, and rushing out the door to a dentist appointment. I will get back on track tomorrow morning of course but it’s just been a weird morning.

I came home after the dentists office and have been sitting on my couch across from Ann Marie drinking coffee and writing this blog entry. I am truly happy here in this moment. If I had any talent or knew how to write a book I think I could be a writer.

Ann Marie and I talked about friendships last night. She said I have lots of good friendships I should pursue and try to rekindle. Tim, Matt, and Chad are her top picks. I agree I think. I have been focused on me and my family so long I’ve forgotten really what i’m supposed to do. I feel like everyone has a life except me sometimes.

I will survive. For a while.

Ann Marie failed her first mid-term but passed the course. It doesn’t bode well for her exam tomorrow that she needs to pass. I said to her that she will be fine whether she passes or not, another year isn’t that big of a deal, and we’ll get through this together. Inside I’m screaming. I’m so tired. I want this to be over.

Asshole, Shit or fuck off the toilet. (Dustin)

Why you gotta walk around being such a dick all the time?
Everyones got problems but come on all you do is whine.
If you’re that unhappy with the bed that you’ve made then get out.
and if you don’t want to do something about it then shut up.

Please stop whining because it’s pissing me off!
You’re sitting on the toilet if you’re not going to shit…
get the fuck off. 

So your boss’ a bitch, friends are pricks, and my friend that wouldn’t fuck you is a whore
I’ve told you twenty times and I’ll say it like before unless you want to spend your life like this you should quit there’s the door. 

Well not like that you silly git. did I tell you to up and quit?
What’s this now you’re blaming me? I think you best forget it.
You gotta stop smoking that synthetic pot. It’s making you think things are true when they’re not.
Take your life over too japan just try not to take her down with you if you can.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.