The ravings…

Part of me wants to sleep, big day tomorrow, but that’s why I can’t. {Pointless meandering sentence… why can’t he just write I can’t sleep; big day tomorrow… ugh.} Chuck’s marks are coming back tomorrow. I don’t think I should worry. Don, and 3rd years (most experience) are saying not to worry about it but things have been going really good and I am afraid of a downfall. {This sounds very similar to journal entries I’m writing 16 years later.} I showed up to the 3rd year show in a handsome suit and helped out. I know he saw me but I also know the were marked by then.  It’s still good karma for the final exam. I want to be a designer but what precedes my that need is my need to be an SLC graphic design 2nd year.

I will complete this course no matter what. I just prefer to do it like Chris is going to do it. not like Crystal is doing it. {I don’t know what that means anymore…} Although one has to respect that wicked bitch for never saying die and never standing down from Chuck. I can see her bitching out the entire world with her designs. {Such anger and I can’t remember why… I am going to go out on a limb here and guess it was probably unfounded anger.}

As much as I wanted that man hater to fail I want her to succeed too just so I know she’s as strong as I saw her years ago. {I honestly have no idea. 😦 }


I got a date!

Well nothing is for sure, but I am becoming more confident as I just asked Leyna out on a date, well to a movie. She said yes though so that’s a happy point. It won’t be until Saturday but that gives us getting to know each other time which is good. She seems like my type. We have already found in our short conversations some common ground. I mention that I wanted to work as a photographer for the longest time with National Geographic and apparently she had the same dream. For a while during childhood. I love coincidences like that. They make me smile. Makes me think that things will work out for sure.

Mark update; tech B, Computers A.

Sometimes I feel like Billy the Kid.

Sometimes I feel like Billy the Kid from Young Guns 2. He loses all of his friends and walks the desert alone for 73 years. Now his friends died and mine are around somewhere but when I am alone I feel as thought I am walking that 73rd year with my horse by my side, waiting to die. I feel so alone without someone I want to cry.

{I’m always amazing at how intense I describe my emotions as being. Teenagers. Everything is cranked up to 11 because it’s the first time they’re feeling it.}

More Eliza dreams.

I dreamt about Eliza again last night. I think it’s because of her sudden appearance and bombardment of my life (the party, the net) {Glad to see I flew off the handle as easily then as I do now. Some things never change.} It just freaked me out. I think everything will be fine now.

No worries.

I am thinking of asking out Beth’s sister, Leyna to the movies. I think she’s very pretty and I asked Jeff and he said “he’d dink her” {High praise.} so when I get the confidence I am going for it. {omg! She said yes and I took her to High Fidelity. That movie is not a good date movie at all! Very anti-woman but I loved it so much we watched the whole thing. I laughed my ass off the whole time. Pretty sure she didn’t like it. She never called me back. LOL.}

Everything is shit again. Obviously.

So. Here we are a month after and I dream of her having sex with two different guys; neither I know. In the dream I cried until I woke up. I am left with a horrible taste in my mind. It tastes like forever. A long period in which I do not have someone. It is killing me, killing me, inside.

All sorts of things could contribute to this dream.

At the party last night the guys were ripping apart Eliza harder than I could stand. They called her a slut and a whore. They said she had turned punk and was a totally different person. Do I know this person? Do I want to know this person? Is she worth checking up on? I don’t know.

On a lighter note I got Chad a meal at McDonald’s to streak the whole party last night. After that he got really bitter with LJ and took off at like 3:00 in the morning. We tried to stop him but nope; no luck at all.

School is shitty. The project I have to do for Don’s {Typography} class will be decent and I believe I will do well. {What’s so shitty about that?!}

But as for Chuck {Design Layout} all my cards have been played. I handed in my final exam on Thursday and he still has the final project we did. I sit and wait to see if I pass. To see if I shame my family or if I go forth into second year.