Showing signs of decay.

{Undated. Dating it a month after formal but not before September because there’s no mention of college.}

Emily and I are happy but we are having a few small problems.

I think it is just the fact that we are always around each other and thats making a few of the qualities we don’t like about each other that much more noticeable.

I was recently pissed about Gord sending her flowers with “I love you” cards. He’s done it twice! I know that it shouldn’t bother me, but it really, really does. Her mother accepts the flowers and makes her keep them. This makes me think that my relationship with Emily is not that great in her mother’s eyes. She keeps the cards for Emily and everything. I really don’t know. I’m trying to look past it.

Emily has also been talking to a marine in Japan a lot. Japan is on the other side of the world so I don’t really know why this bothers me too. She never really told me about it and it hit me by surprise. Bothered!

There is a picture that really bothers me to see it at Emily’s house. It’s the picture where her and Gord went to his formal. (She went to ours with me. At least it was special in that way.) What sucks for me is that ours was not a first for her, nor graduation, nor sex. Second place. Second place. Second place. To GORD!

It doesn’t upset me much, {Are you sure? I think you’re pretty fucked in the head right now and I don’t blame you.} it’s just that her mother didn’t seem to care as much about this time. The dress, although it looked great was clearly not a prom dress, nor as expensive as the one she wore with Gord. She keeps the green Gord dress under plastic and hung up, but the one she wore with me she wears on a regular basis. Not as special.

Today we came to my house and I called in sick from work so I could be with her for a while longer, not to mention it would have been a really shitty day. I had the floor and no one would take it from me who were there so I just won’t go, fuckers. We started fooling around and I thought we were going somewhere but when I felt like she was not into it I asked her, “would you like to make love to me?” she just smiled so I assumed that that was a maybe. I didn’t know. Turns out that she was really tired and still worried that she may be too sore down there.

I was a little disappointed but she was upset that I was upset. I did the right thing of course. I made her now that we are not just about that sort of thing and that we should go get some coffee or something. So we went to the mall and I bought her a new stuffed animal, a squirrel.

I don’t think I will be buying her flowers for a while though. It will make me feel as stupid as God if I do and it would be hard for me to believe that she thought of them as nicer than his.

{Awe. Poor second Andrew. I’m reminded of the song Nice Guys Finish Last by Green Day; “Pressure cooker pick my brain and tell me I’m insane I’m so fucking happy I could cry.”}

Art drawing in a drawing

{While this drawing is titled Waiting for Emily there are two fond memories in this drawing. One, that black mass on the right hand side under my leg is my dog, Blacky, who just wanted to be where I was. He passed away in 2002. The second cool thing is that in the top right corner there’s the bottom of a box spring in my room. This is when my cousin Scott lived with us for a while so I shared a room with him. Good times.}