Sunday, June 20, 1999.

I’ve been clean for three and a half months for Emily by the way. That’s how much I care about her.

I don’t know what the last stuff I wrote about was and it doesn’t particularly matter. I started to write in Emily’s den, but it doesn’t feel right to write without my own pen, especially in this book. {Hilarious. I’m still particular about the pen I use to write in my journals. What a head case I am.}

I read this book to find where Emily, who is now my girlfriend, first entered it. I was hoping to find out that it was her I loved and wanted all along, not Katrina. The problem I found was that Emily was taken throughout all of the times with Katrina, yet whenever I could I would get as close as I could to eventually ask her out.

As much as I hate to say it, Katrina was who I went to to wait for Emily. I guess it was the perfect choice in order to stay close to Emily. Love works in mysterious ways.

I look through all my drug notes and depressive, depression insights and wonder how the hell I am still alive after all the shit I did and wonder how I and Emily ever managed to build a relationship after all that she did, and all that I did, in the last year or so.

Lesson to the wise, from the wise. {Oh you’re wise? That’s rich!} Drugs, no matter how small the drug seems to be, or how little your habit appears will get you, and you will lose your life. The good news is, it doesn’t have to be permanent.

I myself, just tonight, have removed all that remains of my weed habit and and all that remains in the way of Emily and I. Just a few small things of Natalie’s that she wouldn’t and didn’t like to know I still had. Pictures, etc.

Emily and I have managed to find each other through impossible odds. We made it through everything and we’re now a happy a happy couple of one month. Although, to me, we’ve been together since the day she told me she had feelings for me in Timmies. That was the day I knew that she would be mine and that we were meant to be. Anniversary May 18th. {My GOD that’s a date! You stupid, silly man! A DATE! We started dating on May 18! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah! A date! I’m excited. Can you tell? So happy! Then in the margin I wrote “One month. (Two days ago) when this was written. That makes this June 20! Firm date. *Fist bump.*}

I only regret the amount of time that it took. I wish that there could have been a faster way, but there was not and I don’t care now because she is my girlfriend.

Her and I have made love. I use this term after much personal debate. I know that every single time we were intimate to the level of intercourse that it was completely out of love.

I find myself filled with joy and happiness every time I think of any of the particular situations.

I am not her first. I do not mind. {Liar.} Gord was not a lover to her. He was but a mistake, and I find it better not to confront her with small annoyances as him. I prefer to let our relationship grow uninhibited by the past, yet effected by past experience as learning experiences.

She does not like that I did drugs which could effect her in a very personal way. I leave it alone as I do not wish to perpetuate bad thoughts and/or feelings into our relationship.

I love to be around her. I draw her now, and we intend to make a tradition of at least one portrait a month of her.

She is so supportive of my art that I am now becoming somewhat pompous and arrogant. {Yeah that never went away.} I suppose that is a good thing. I simply never found it personally appealing to see arrogance in another individual, and especially never thought of it as becoming in men. Chris the perfect example of inappropriate arrogance.

I have a portfolio interview for OAC art tomorrow. I had no confidence until I spent a few hours with Emily. Now I feel as though I deserve 100 percent on all my pieces.

Note: I managed to impress Em’s dad with the first of my ink drawings. I thought that was cool and artistically flattering.

I am going to give my arm a rest. Back in 5 with a new train of thought. {Choo choo!}

I will enjoy spending time and getting to know her family, and her past, childhood.

I have a new job on base as a FOS2 (Chef’s hand) at the Vimy Men’s Mess for the summer. I wash dishes or pots depending on my daily assignment. The job is not as important as the people I meet there.

Job, Jason. He is a chef. He worked in prison systems and has a preoccupation with gay sex and sex in general. He is cool and knows of Emily and made a relatively proud face when he saw how gorgeous my girlfriend was and knew I never lied to him. Especially after insulting Rob’s “dog of a girl”, girlfriend. {I’m pretty sure that I have never called anyone’s girlfriend a dog. I am pretty sure I’m referencing this guy’s quote.}

Rob, Work. He is the same as I am in job situation. {I guess that means he’s a FOS2 as well.} He has only a few teeth, and seems almost childlike in origin. {Didn’t we all originate from Children?! He was uneducated and immature.} But advantages are a purity of mind and body. He apparently has an ugly common law partner. Ugly only by opinion of my coworkers. I have not seen her for myself. Either way she’s not as gorgeous as Emily, that’s an impossibility. He has a preoccupation for attention, however. He, on occasion, has the need to make himself more important than he is and acts as though people care more about him more than they more than likely do not. {I’m as lost as you but that is how I wrote it…}

Hue: Nickname, Dew. He’s the guy that showed me the ropes. He’s cool. Goes to Napanee High and is graduating next year. I think. He’s a smart kid, and a fun coworker, really.

There is another guy who is fanatically occupied with sex and nipples. He’s a taxi driver on the side. Funniest stories of all about the fares he picks up.

Anyways, I’m tired. and I’m writing like a slob. I’m going to bed.

Caricature Emily


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