“Pain has its reasons. Pleasure is totally indifferent.” – Francis Placibia

It feels like we should just say fuck everything, we know we belong together, and kiss in the middle of the caf to let everybody know we’re together.

I want that so bad.

She doesn’t know what she wants. She doesn’t know what will happen between us. She does however know that she loves me.

I have to admit that at times it is a very scare thing when I don’t know how she feels.

Jeff and Chad see how much she hurts me and have started to be rude towards her. She bitched at me so I told Jeff. Jeff may or may not want to change and I will more than likely find out what happens tomorrow.

Chad does not believe that I love Emily, or he is at least skeptical.

Jeff thinks I am being jerked around. I have to admit at times he’s right. I know this but I love her.

I went ‘cruisin’ for chicks’ with Chad Friday. it was fun enough. I would have preferred to go out with Emily, but those are the breaks. Life sucks ass sometimes.

I’m failing 2 of my 4 OAC classes miserably. Oh well I guess I’m not A quality. Too much going on to focus on school. My life is very tough with Emily right now.

I feel like I am losing Joel and Dan and Jay {Best friends from Embrun. Family was only posted to Kingston in 1996 and I tried hard to keep in touch. They all came down for a visit once but it wasn’t meant to last. Dan and I are still great friends though we reconnected after college. [Thank you Facebook!].} They have their own lives, which is to be expected, but I wish they could make time for me. I was going to drive up there on my own but Jay and Dan left for a concert., and Joel had to work and do school work. He never even ended up doing school work but I guess that doesn’t matter too much to him that he could have seen me. That hurts a lot. I really needed to talk to him on Friday.

I worked all day for a dirty jew and only got $40. {Yes I know. Inexcusable. The reason I was mad was because Jeff and I were asked to help this guy move. We worked for 9-10 hours and he paid us $40 each. That doesn’t excuse the antisemitism but that is the reason. I know it’s not right. I was a very immature 17 year old and I don’t want to compromise the authenticity of these entries through censorship..} That pissed me off. Then, while pissed off, I went out with Emily and got her royally pissed off with me. She is still pissed at Thursday and it is Tuesday for God’s sake.{Could really have used dates. 😦 }

My life royally sucks right now. All I need to fix it is Emily but I can’t tell her that because then she’s under pressure. That isn’t fair to her.

I’m fucking done for now.

Kiss my ass.

Suck it.


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