At least I have my cool pens.

{Undated.}

A lot has happened between Emily and I. It’s all in here somewhere. Almost a chart.

I do know that I care for Emily on a deeper level than anyone I have ever cared for. It is a desire that I cannot explain. I want to talk to her when she and I are at home. I want to hold her whenever I sit near, I want to hug her whenever she feels like shit, or even a little down. She is beautiful to me.

Enter Emily.

{Undated.}

Life deals you the shittiest hands sometimes, and other turn out to be great.Some, you just can’t understand who what when where or why.

Emily {Emily’s middle name.}{Emily’s last name.} She will be mine, oh yes. She will be mine. It is to laugh, just when I thought I was the only thing keeping Emily and Gord together, I was probably the most responsible for their breakup.

On one hand I am happy. I got to have Emily. She has feelings for me and I undoubtedly have feeling for her. But then there is the moral and right side of me that knows it would kill Gord if he ever knew or found out. I know he has a gun and knows where I live.

The good thing about it is that I may not be the target, the bad thing is that Emily will be.

I can only see that they are on the verge of breaking up. It’s just a matter of when.

Jeff mumbles a few little words “she has feelings for you” and wouldn’t even tell me if that’s what he said. and then he’ll tel me what he said in 2 weeks if she hasn’t already. I really haven’t got the slightest idea what to do.

One hand – I confront her, she tells me, and I have a girlfriend.

Other hand – That’s not what she said. I confront her, lose her as a good close friend and embarrass myself in the process.

I don’t know.