At least I have my cool pens.


A lot has happened between Emily and I. It’s all in here somewhere. Almost a chart.

I do know that I care for Emily on a deeper level than anyone I have ever cared for. It is a desire that I cannot explain. I want to talk to her when she and I are at home. I want to hold her whenever I sit near, I want to hug her whenever she feels like shit, or even a little down. She is beautiful to me.


Enter Emily.


Life deals you the shittiest hands sometimes, and other turn out to be great.Some, you just can’t understand who what when where or why.

Emily {Emily’s middle name.}{Emily’s last name.} She will be mine, oh yes. She will be mine. It is to laugh, just when I thought I was the only thing keeping Emily and Gord together, I was probably the most responsible for their breakup.

On one hand I am happy. I got to have Emily. She has feelings for me and I undoubtedly have feeling for her. But then there is the moral and right side of me that knows it would kill Gord if he ever knew or found out. I know he has a gun and knows where I live.

The good thing about it is that I may not be the target, the bad thing is that Emily will be.

I can only see that they are on the verge of breaking up. It’s just a matter of when.

Jeff mumbles a few little words “she has feelings for you” and wouldn’t even tell me if that’s what he said. and then he’ll tel me what he said in 2 weeks if she hasn’t already. I really haven’t got the slightest idea what to do.

One hand – I confront her, she tells me, and I have a girlfriend.

Other hand – That’s not what she said. I confront her, lose her as a good close friend and embarrass myself in the process.

I don’t know.