Dreaming of true love.

{Undated.}

It’s been a while since I’ve written in this thing. It caused a very uncomfortable situation at Xmas and I’d rather not get into it. I can go to Ottawa now, and to me, that’s all that really matters. I don’t know, or remember what is written last in this book, and quite frankly I’d like to forget most of it.

I’ve done pot. I liked it. I have no intention of stopping. It hasn’t caused me to do anything I’d regret and until it does I see no reason to stop. In fact, I’m planning a small session with Chad and I after the film.

I  guess the real reason I wanted to write again was brought on by a very disheartening dream I had the misfortune of dreaming last night. {Run on sentence. Argh.} I’ve experienced dreams where when I woke up and wished it wasn’t over, or wished I still had what I was dreaming about, but this was different, I lost the one thing that is almost impossible to find, true love.

The dream started with a new girl in school, she never really had a face, or a look. just a personality as if she was made of emotion. The only feature I clearly recall was her hair. She had the fullest, most deep brown hair I have ever seen. It was pulled back into a pony tail, but you could feel how perfect it was just by seeing it.

We left the school. We were in the back seat of a car being driven somewhere. I think it was a nature spot of some sort. We spent hours in my mind flirting. In the reality of the dream we had barely reached the end of the school parking lot. {I’m as confused as you are…} Then I felt it. It was warm, soft, and innocent. It felt like her tongue had just pecked me on the chin. I could feel a direct stream of her love flowing into me. I’ve never experienced a more content, happy, loved feeling in my entire life. {Sounds like you got high and fell asleep… but I don’t have any evidence to support this conclusion. I’m just guessing.} There was a brief pause before I softly nuzzled my head into her hair, feeling its perfection. This only extended the feeling of bliss a few more minutes before I am torn away from this heaven into the cruel world that I hate being alone in.

I have never felt a larger feeling of emptiness in my entire life. {Seems like a crazy feeling but I have led a pretty charmed life. I, at 35, still have all of my aunts, uncles and grandparents. Touch wood. So I’ve never suffered any loss at this point.} Even in the simplicity of the dream I felt pure love in this faceless woman, and a piece of my heart I believe was left there when I woke. {Is he romantic? Is he a pot head? Both?}

I spent the better part of the day thinking about this dream, pondering its meaning. {Remember what it was like to have free time?! Me neither.} Maybe an insight or two into the future? Who knows?

Am I too young {Yes.} to be thinking of true love? {Definitely.} I’d like to think there is someone out there for me. I just don’t know if I should be so serious about relationships right now. The thought is heartwarming and makes every part of me yearn {I yearned… LOL} for the one person to have a long and meaningful relationship.

{Included at the bottom of the page. A brilliant idea for the future.}

Insight into the future. “1-800-YOU-LIVE” horoscope hotline. $2.00 a call, home written horoscopes, publishing daily. Large profit. Nation wide.

{Clearly I was no Steve Jobs}

Water Nymph

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Monday, February 9, 1998.

I’m switching the dates to February 9, 1998. I found this page identifying that exams had come and gone. They were usually held the last week of January and the first week of February at La Salle Secondary. As I get confirmation of dates or events I’ll move the timeline forward. When 16 year old Andrew starts using dates again we’ll all be happy. I’ve also thrown in an extra image of a character I used to draw all the time, Snack. He did not make me world famous. Young me thought I’d be the next Charles Schulz.

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