Thursday, December 18, 1997.

Holy shit! December 18th. A lot has happened. Where the hell do I start? Well… about the 8th, Emily asked me to the semi-formal. She’s majorly HOT! But I was her second choice if this guy Jay said he wouldn’t go. Well, he said he’d go so I’m not. B, Emily and everyone still thinks I should go but I like what I did more.

The posse and I, except for Bob, went to see Scream 2. Darren and Scott went home but Jeff and Chad came to my house. Chad brought over apple cider (alcoholic of course.) {You’re so cool.} and we got buzzed, maybe a lil’ drunk. Ah well. Anyways, we ordered pizza and had our own little party.

{Written up the side of the page in the margin in, you guessed it, black marker} The most delicate connection possible is the emotional connection to a woman. I crave that. I believe I need it to survive in this world. {This explains so much…}

It’s Xmas holidays now. I try not to think that I could have been getting laid in a few days… Doesn’t really matter. {Polkaroo! Ah darn, I missed him again!}

Well Joel smokes pot… for some reason it doesn’t or didn’t surprise me like it surprised me when Jason started doing heavy drugs. Who really knows anymore. I think I only have a few friends or old fiends who have kept straight. When I go to Joel’s I will no longer be one of those people. I’m going to try it. I think I’ll like it. Then I’ll go back to school and buy a few grams. I was going to get 2 grams to go to Joel’s but we’re fresh out at our school. All the dealers are out for the vacation. {Supply and demand, yo. That’s economics.}

Well, then I’ll be getting drunk new years at our party. It will be cool. I’m going to have Joel and hopefully Jay out and I’ll get a bunch of friends over and we’ll have our own party up in my room upstairs. It will be cool!

Natalie asked me why I turned into such an asshole. I just figure that I just realized how much that bitch was making me miss in life and I just have to catch up now. {Sad that I have to be so cruel to her. She was only trying to preserve our friendship. I still had a lot to figure out in life. Specifically when to use the word ‘just’ and when not to.}

I got a ton of shit (home work) to do over the holidays. I’m just going to do the basics. Fuck the rest! {My poor marks in an earlier entry are starting to make more sense.} LyNch is reborn! HACK THE PLANET!!! {Wow. LyNch was my ‘handle’ for BBSing… those are bulletin board systems. Google it. I don’t remember doing much in the way of hacking… but I was obviously heavily influenced by the 1995 movie, Hackers.}

I’m getting my bro a cod poster he’s wanted for a while. It’s framed and everything and I know he’ll love it and that makes me happy. I know this Xmas is going to RULE and I’m going to have a BLAST! {Are you sure it won’t also be radical, far out, or excellent?}

I feel bad about Jeff though. He seems depressed now and I know his mom and Murray are together. He hasn’t told me so I can’t really help him through it. I don’t think he likes the idea very much, personally. I liked Dave way more! Murray is old and shit. It kinda sucks 4 Jeff. Jeff is always complaining how his Xmas is going to blow. Financially and spiritually he said. I dunno what I can do. Now I’ll feel bad on Xmas when he wants to know what I got. Oh well. I dunno.

Ummm… That’s it and stuff. Latez.
HACK THE PLANET!

caricature Jeff

Advertisements

Saturday, December 6, 1997.

Animal PigI chickened out on asking Melissa out Friday; yesterday; whatever! I just don’t want to be rejected. It’s too early after being dumped. I just want a girlfriend so badly! I want someone to care about but, call me a pig, I really miss having someone want to kiss me. {Pig.} or just want me to be there. It feels nice to be loved and cared about by someone who doesn’t have to.

I want to ask out M because I like her, her personality, sense of humour, everything! Not to mention she looks good in tight jeans. he he he.

Well I also want to ask out Emily, the friend of Barbie {written in black ink – “Jeff broke up with her grandmother.” That make any sense to anyone else?}, the cute, 5’5″ blond, curly haired, gorgeous girl who barely knows I exist. And now, because of Jeff, she doesn’t talk to me at all. He went and told her that I liked her and not to mention she has a boyfriend in grade 9. I would kick his ass {No you wouldn’t. Not in a million years, tough guy!} but it wouldn’t matter much or really do anything. *LOL* Just make Emily hate me. And we don’t want that. It would feel good but we still don’t want it.

Jeff and I walked up Princess Street from Tim Horton’s to Tim Horton’s where Jeff’s K works. It was fun. Jeff thinks it was pointless, but it just feels good to do something instead of just sitting around.

Semi-formal is Friday. I want to go but I have to have a date. I think my reason (biggest) is so Katrina will feel bad. Stupid bitch deserves it. {Bad boy. It’s hard publishing those kinds of words. I hope anyone reading this appreciates that I was an immature 16 year old when I wrote this. Also, if my mother heard me say that I would have gotten a dressing down, military style.}

Ummm… That’s all.

Latez. {Why use an ‘r’ when you can use a ‘z’!}

Julius Caesar!

I clearly ended the last entry but then wrote a quote down and scrawled in the margin. It’s clearly a new entry but it’s not dated. I know this is going to happen a lot going into the heavier marijuana use days of grade 11 with Jed and Chad.

Here’s what we’re going to do.
I’m going to let you, the reader, know that this was an undated entry.
I will date it on this blog as if it was written the day after the previous entry.
I will continue to do this until we encounter another confirmed date in the journal.
Then it will be your task to keep in mind that all the undated entries most likely were inserted at varying intervals between the two confirmed dates. I’d also like to thank ET, in advance, for dating many of her letters to me.

Here we go.

{Undated}

Of all the wonders that I yet have heard,
It seems to me most strange that men should fear,
Seeing that death, a necessary end,
Will come when it will come.

– Julius Caesar

{Written in the margin with an arrow pointing to the above quote}

Funny how something so simple can mean and change so much.

{That’s it for that one.}

Scott.

Scott turned out to be a really cool guy. Met him around the same time as Jeff and Chad. Hung around with him a lot. Had the pleasure of meeting up with him again in 2013. He spent a year or two in Japan, travelled, and settled in B.C. He’s got a hot wife and is becoming an RCMP officer.

Portrait Scott

Monday, December 1, 1997.

This sux! {Deep breaths. Try and be cool!} I got dumped by Katrina AGAIN! {I honestly cannot remember being dumped any other time than this once.} Fucking second time with the same girl! Never again! I will go out with her again if she wants {Ha! So big of you… wait! What?} (…just hold on!) but it would only be for the physical shit. {Look who put on his pimp hat!} Never again do I care about her. She no longer exists to me. {Harsh.}

{Holy fuck the next part just totally fucked with me. I’m a little high. This blew my mind. The next sentence is written in a different pen with black ink…} (just wait, you (I) will realize that you (I) love her.) {Mind=blown. *makes explosion noises*} 

The need for a girlfriend is strong when you don’t have anyone after having someone for the last five months. {When did I have her?! 5 months? You started dating around the 12th of November. I know. I journaled about it! There must have been some relationship and breakup I imagined. This makes no sense.} 

I’m still pissed that Natalie could have driven up here and I could have gotten some over the holidays. {I get the real sense that sex was like the Polkaroo at this point in my life.} I guess all I need is another bitch to make shit cool again. {Who is this person? ‘Another bitch’? Holy fuck dude. Kiss your mother with that mouth? How exactly is a bitch going to make shit cool anyway?!}

I’ve got my sights on a few, but nothing I really want right now. I think I want to go after Emily {I don’t think this Emily is my Emily.} (Jeff’s ex GF’s best friend.), she’s cute. She’s got the most amazing aura around her. She seems to be an all around fun girl. She has the coolest hair. It’s blond (bleached I think) and it’s shoulder length and curly. It’s not my usual {LOL! Usual?!} But I like it. I like it a lot. 🙂

The last week I’ve gone from shit to alright. {So what’s that like a 3 to a 7?} I’ve felt something different every day and most of the time it was depressing. To quote Bart Simpson, “Making teenagers depressed is like shooting fish in a barrel.” So if I ever care about her again, it will be too soon.

{Oh here comes the goods!}

She dumped me because I ‘crowded her’, was too ‘there’, I was ‘smothering her’ or some stupid shit. I don’t know. She never gave me any warning or anything. All she had to do was tell me to give her space. I can’t believe that she just dumped me! I mean she obviously didn’t care too much about what we had. {18 beautiful days of waiting for her to call and some groping.} Oh well, I can live without that psychopath. All I need is my girlfriend calling and telling me she was going to kill herself. {Wow this is surreal. I just got a flashback of dozens of depressed Katrina phone calls. I talked her through so much. My feelings for her in this journal might not be as superficial as I thought. I’m a regular Florence Nightingale!} I had enough of that shit when we were just friends. It would hit closer to home if she was my girlfriend. {Awe! Now that I remember this seems so sad that you would stop caring about her. I know you were only saying that in the hopes that you’d believe it.} So I’m glad I got out of that one. {Poor guy.}

Well there’s only 22 days until Xmas and I’m glad for that. I don’t have to put up with any more torture once I know what I got. 😉 It’s cool. I know I’m going to receive a scanner or a Discman for Xmas. You’d think that knowing I got one or the other would make the torture easier  but its tearing me in two instead of into 50. So it’s a more precise torture. {Spoiled brat!}

I think it could be a Discman more because I asked for like 15 CDs too. So it would work out neatly. But then again I always love getting computer stuff. So she knows this so I haven’t got a clue. That blows! {I got both the Discman and the scanner because I was than now and still am spoiled rotten by my mother and father.}

Later!